


Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

by Seventeenthcircleofhell



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Alec Hardy and His Broken Heart, Drowning, Introspection, One Shot, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 06:17:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20737583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seventeenthcircleofhell/pseuds/Seventeenthcircleofhell
Summary: Broadchurch season 3.What if Alec was the one to set himself out to sea to die, instead of Mark?





	Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the Sad Broadchurch Gang kiddie-pool
> 
> Un-beta'd, all mistakes are my own.

The boat is stalled, lost in the endless expansion of the sea, the waves cruely taunting him. Alec sits on the edge, toes skimming lightly over the abyss of salt and inky-black water. The nip of the cold sending jolts through his body, freezing the blood in his veins. It makes him feel more alive than he has in a long time. The slow numbing of his skin undoing the numbness of the rest of his being; the irony is not lost on him.

He lowers himself carefully off the lip of the boat, lets the water sink into his suit, and sets himself adrift. All it's buttons are done perfectly, tie fine and straight, belt tight around his skinny frame. Immaculate. Methodical. His bare feet the only thing out of place. Coffin-ready.

Leveled on his back, he lets the dull ache of the cold fade into meaningless sensation, the impending numb settling in like white noise. He stares into the universe above him.

_It's rather like the ocean. How do you know which way is up?_

The stars blink in front of him, limitless sky matching his limitless eyes, a galaxy in their own right. Never-ending pools you would drown in if you let yourself get too close, leaned too far over the edge.

He sees Pippa's face formed in a constellation, feels her phantom weight in the ache of his arms, water-heavy and sunken.

A sharp intake of breath escapes him, and he closes his eyes.

He thinks of his mother's last words.

_"God will put you in the right place, even if you don't know it at the time"_

_Is this the right place?_

The dragon of anger that has settled inside his chest suddenly rears its head. The tail wrapped snugly around his heart thrashes against his ribs, teeth bared into a snarl that rises out his throat. A piercing scream slices through the air, whip-sharp and cutting, ripping through the silence as he thinks of his mother's God;  
  
_How could you fill me with all this love and have nowhere to put it? How can you take each part of me piece by piece, rearrange me into this jigsaw, shoving parts together where they don't belong, hard enough to make them fit but leaving the image so distorted? How can you drain me slowly and give me nowhere to go? The bones of me, each jagged sector sharp and aching and wrong wrong wrong._

It always comes back to the water, eroding at his skin, shaving away the thin layer of stone he wears like armour, leaving him rubbed raw and exposed.

His eyes begin to drift in time with the slowing staccato of his heart. 

_The water is only your enemy if you try to fight it. Resistance to the inevitable is futile._  
  
It always comes back to the water.  
  
_Pippa. Danny. Jack._  
  
_ River, beach, cliff._  
  
_ Pippa. Danny. Jack._  
  
_ Pippa Danny Jack_  
  
_ Pippadannyjack_  
  
_ Daisy._  
  
_ Pippadannyjackdaisy_  
  
_ Pippadannyjackdaisytomfredlisa_  
  
_ Miller._  
  
_ Me._  
  
Was this God, putting him in his place the whole time? It makes a sick sort of sense to him.  
  
_Maybe this is how it was supposed to be all along_

The last time he opens his eyes, he sees Daisy, formed from stars. Her smile brilliantly bright, eyes twinkling like headlights on a dark open road.

He smiles.  
  
He lets the headlights guide him home.

**Author's Note:**

> I broke my own heart.
> 
> This is shitty but I needed a new way to procrastinate.


End file.
